Guardians of the Crescent Moon Kingdom

The last of the part 1 movies was released right in the thick of filler hell, and you can definitely tell. If Legend of the Stone of Gelel was a decent filler, then Guardians of the Crescent Moon Kingdom is barely passable, if even that, and is one of the weakest entries in the movie series.

This one sees Lee joining Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi on their mission, as they escort a naive prince and his spoiled brat of a son back to their home in the Land of the Moon. But once they arrive, they see that the kingdom has been overthrown, and now it's up to Naruto and the gang to reclaim the throne in the name of Fat Elvis. More so than any of the other movies, this one feels like it was made with younger children in mind. The tone of the movie is just very childish at times, and is filled with overly dramatic and awkward to sit through moments. And the spoiled kid gets converted much earlier than usual as well, at the end of the first act, and that's right around the time that the cringe-inducing moments begin to spring up left and right, as everyone is just way too overly enthusiastic over this whole "friends forever and ever" deal.

But in complete contrast to the mostly childish tone, this movie also packs quite a punch when it comes to the action. In fact, it's actually surprising just how exciting and awesome all of the fight scenes are. And it's a bit of a shame, too, because these fights definitely deserve a better and more fitting movie. But as it is, the action is pretty much the sole thing that makes this movie even worth watching.

The villains and character designs in general are actually not bad, though they decided to switch things up a bit for our main cast. Naruto and friends are all sporting new "summer attire", which I suppose is sorta neat for a bit of a change, though it does beg the question as to why they don't just wear this sort of get-up more often. You'd think that everyone would be getting pretty hot moving all around wearing those jackets like they do all the time, and I'm pretty sure the weather's not exactly cool year round in this world, but I digress.

So yeah, this one's a bit of a bust. While the action scenes are pretty cool, I wouldn't go so far as to say that they entirely make up for the rest of the film, which can be pretty hard to sit through at times. The decision to treat the audience like children and go this immature rout so late in the game, just when things are about to take a much more darker and mature tonal shift, is kind of a stumper, until you remember that this was released when the anime was pretty much at its worst quality state. So as a whole, this is one of the weaker movies in the series, and is very skippable.

Legend of the Stone of Gelel

With no new Naruto manga chapter this week, I guess I'll get my Wednesday fix by reviewing another Naruto movie! This time we're on movie 2, Legend of the Stone of Gelel. And, while it's not a terrible movie, it's a pretty significant drop in quality from the previous flick, and is a fairly generic and typical Naruto filler fair.

The story starts off as Naruto, Sakura, and Shikamaru take on a straight forward mission to retrieve a missing ferret (who Naruto humorously refers to as a cat). But what starts off as an easy enough mission soon becomes much more complicated, as they're ambushed by a group of characters straight out of a more medieval setting. Basically, a typical instance of filler artists coming up with original, uninspired character designs that don't fit in with the Naruto world, though here they at least give some explanation for the drastic clash of styles, as these new characters are from another continent across the ocean. But anyways, the villains are in search of a source of power known as Gelel, which they intend to use to "create a utopian world free from war", or so they'd like for us to believe.

There's really nothing too spectacular about this movie that stands out. Like I said, it's pretty typical stuff, with the same themes being driven home, and Naruto converting a character away from the darkness, all that good stuff. The only thing this movie does that is slightly different is the fact that these new characters come from a far distant land in the Naruto world, one with a bit of a more western style, which lends to the idea of this world being more akin to our own, in its own way.

The fight scenes are decent enough, with Gaara and Kankuro getting involved in the action as well (though the lack of Temari is curious, especially considering the anime team's particular tendency to totally ship her with Shikamaru at any given opportunity). And we also get treated to the most forced Sasuke cameo ever. I figure that since he's technically a main character, the anime team felt compelled to include Sasuke to some capacity in their movie, though thankfully this would be the only instance of this happening throughout the rest of the movie series.

But probably the most interesting aspect of the movie comes from the main villain. After he transforms into his final form, there's several characteristics that are strikingly similar to the current Obito in the manga. Things such as his tendency to refer to others as worthless trash, and the fact that he has shape shifting orbs on his back, which is an ability that Obito has only just recently acquired in the past few weeks in the manga. In fact, it's so similar that it actually makes me curious if Kishimoto wasn't possibly influenced by this movie's villain when coming up with some of these traits for his own main villain.

But anyways, other than that, there's really nothing much else to say about this movie. It's entertaining enough while it's on, and it's not as terrible or as frustrating as some of the other movies can get. But it's a far ways from being something that I could honestly recommend. It's essentially an extended filler episode, just maybe one of the more watchable ones.

Character Profile: Vini

Vini is a venus flytrap who knows how to talk, and he's got a lot to say! After a chance encounter, Velcro decides to let Vini tag along on her adventures, where he spends most of his time planted atop her shoulder and spouting out random banter, though he does from time to time prove himself to be a valuable asset, helping out in ways that other animals can't with his insight on the natural world.

While the two don't start off on quite the right foot, and his loud, outgoing, and oftentimes obnoxious antics do have a tendency to get on her nerves, Velcro and Vini grow to truly compliment one another in their contrast and form quite the unconventional pair. And one of these days when he's sounding off, he might also succeed in telling a joke that won't fall completely flat, too!

www.VelcroTheNinjaKat.com

Elysium

me·di·o·cre [mee-dee-oh-ker]
adjective
1. of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate: The car gets only mediocre mileage, but it's fun to drive. Synonyms: undistinguished, commonplace, pedestrian, everyday; run-of-the-mill. Antonyms: extraordinary, superior, uncommon, incomparable.
2. not satisfactory; poor; inferior: Mediocre construction makes that building dangerous. Synonyms: meager, low-quality, second-rate; so-so. Antonyms: excellent, superior.
3.

Accurate definition courtesy of dictionary.com.

Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow

So after watching the two latest Naruto movies last week, I've decided to go back and start from the beginning with the very first Naruto movie. And while this series of movies can be a bit hit or miss, it couldn't have started out on a stronger note, as Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow is a fine animated feature in every regard.

Since this was Naruto's big movie debut, the writers apparently decided to include a movie aspect to the story, as we see our heroes escorting an actress on the set of a movie as they journey to the Land of Snow to film their climactic scene. However, there's more to this actress than she's letting on, as once they arrive, it's not too long before she finds herself under attack in the villains' attempts to capture her and retrieve the treasure of her royal heritage.

This is a solid movie from start to finish, and adds the perfect balance of action, drama, and comedy. That last one's a big one, too, since the writers usually tend to overdo it with making Naruto more obnoxious than he should be, but that thankfully wasn't the case this first go-around. But this one just has a really top notch quality feel to it. In fact, in many respects, this almost feels like the Naruto version of a Cowboy Bebop episode. The dark, shadowy colors and quieter dialogue moments have a very Bebop vibe to them, and even the original character designs have a bit of a Bebop look. The music might not be nearly as inspired, but the visuals and tone of the movie definitely have that high quality touch to them all around that really elevates the material.

And taking place before the Sasuke Retrieval arc, this is also the only movie to really feature Sasuke for any significant time until movie 5. But even so, neither he nor the rest of Team 7 play a huge role here. No, this one's about Naruto and the Princess, and his constant drive to motivate her not to give up on her dreams. Heh, typical Naruto, but that's part of what makes the main series so great, and this movie truly did a great job in capturing the spirit of the series.

A lot of heart and hard work went into this one, and as such, this is honestly probably the only movie in the series that really feels like a legitimate film, as opposed to merely an extended filler episode. But this one really is great, even beyond being a Naruto movie, and is almost certainly the very best movie of the lot. I'd recommend this one even to non-fans of the series, or anyone who can appreciate anime or animated movies in general. Good stuff!

The Place Beyond The Pines

(Originally posted May 7th, 2013 at 3 Guys 1 Movie)

So I'm sitting here thinking of a movie to review for this site when suddenly it hits me: What better movie to review for 3 Guys 1 Movie than one that is itself 1 movie split into 3 very distinct parts? And so with that, let's take a look at The Place Beyond the Pines.

This is a story about having to deal with the decisions we make, for better or worse, and how those decisions can continue to effect the lives of those around us for generations to come. And it's very interesting seeing how the stories begin to parallel each other in ways, almost as if these actions were all an inescapable fate. The movie is slickly shot with long takes and incredible performances that really ground you into their world. And while each segment might not be perfect, this is a movie that highlights the imperfections of people who are just trying to do good, so in that sense, it actually kinda works.

As I said, the movie is split into three different sections that focus on different characters. First, we start off with Ryan Gosling's story and follow along solely from his point of view until Bradley Cooper's character becomes involved, in which case we then shift over to his point of view and watch as his story plays out. We then finish things up by jumping ahead a few years for the final segment of the movie. It's an interesting way to play out the story, and I actually liked it overall for the most part, though there are moments where the film feels a bit disjointed due to this narrative format.

So first, let's start with Ryan Gosling's story. Basically, he's a motorcycle stuntman in a traveling circus who, upon returning to town, learns that an old fling of his had recently given birth to his child. Upon learning this, Gosling quits his job in order to stick around and try and provide for the kid, but it's not too long before desperation sets in and he finds himself turning to a career of bank robbery. This first segment is by far the strongest of the three, and starts this movie off on a very powerful note. And Gosling delivers the kind of performance we've come to expect from him, giving a very raw and real feel to the movie.

We're also treated to some truly awesome chase scenes during this section. We've been getting some especially good car chases in certain movies as of late, such as Drive and Jack Reacher, and the chases here definitely reach that level of quality. It's really thrilling stuff, made especially so by the clarity on display that makes you feel the rush, like you're right there in the middle of the action yourself.

The next segment focuses on Bradley Cooper, who plays a cop who finds himself straddling the legal lines as well after he becomes involved with the case against Ryan Gosling. Where I'd say that Gosling's segment had a more thrilling feel to it, Cooper's dials things down to a more somber level. Things get a lot more tense, and Cooper adds an emotional depth with his phenomenal performance. Seriously, good as he was in Silver Linings Playbook, he absolutely kills it in this role. He's just able to convey so much of his struggle to us at times without even saying a word, which really impressed the hell out of me.

We then jump ahead in time for the third and final segment, which is pretty much the result of both Gosling's and Cooper's actions in the prior two. However, this segment also happens to be the weakest of the three. It's definitely the most choppy feeling, as it changes point of view a few times before finally settling in, where as the first two segments were clearly locked onto their main stars from the get-go. And while the actors here did a good enough job in their roles, I never found myself really attaching to or caring all that much about these new characters. And the mood of this segment also has a bit of an immature feel to it in comparison, though considering the shift in focus to a much younger cast, I suppose that's appropriate. Yet, that said, while I wouldn't necessarily call this segment bad, it doesn't maintain the level of quality that had been established up to this point, and so it ends the movie on somewhat of a deflated note as a result, which is a bit of a shame.

I would say the movie's biggest issue, though, would have to be its running time. At about two and a half hours in length, this is a long movie, and it's one where you definitely feel it. And the fact that each subsequent segment of the movie decreases in quality just that much from the one preceding it certainly doesn't help matters, either. And yet, despite its long length, the performances here are all so enthralling that they keep you engaged all throughout, and at no point in time does the movie ever actually feel boring.

But, as I said before, the imperfections almost work in this movie's favor, given the themes involved. Sure, it could have definitely been tightened up, but even as is, despite its inconsistent quality and overly long length, this is still a really good movie worth checking out, highlighted by some seriously great performances. So don't make the mistake of missing out on this flick, 'cause who knows whose life that'll effect as a result!

Olympus Has Fallen

I originally wrote this a little over a month ago in response to a number of people claiming that, of this year's two White House destruction movies, not only was Olympus Has Fallen the better movie, but that it was the more believable one at that. However, I held off on posting this rebuttal at the time since I figured that nobody really gave a crap. But then, in the past week, a few more people have popped up making similar claims again, so now seems about as appropriate a time as any to go ahead and post my little rant, so here goes.

So I keep seeing reactions comparing White House Down to Olympus Has Fallen where people are claiming the latter to be the more believable movie, which I find to be unbelievable. As I mentioned in my White House Down review, neither movie exactly has the most believable of premises, but of the two, White House Down's is far easier to buy and requires nowhere near as much suspension of disbelief as that other movie. Now, I'm about to go into some major spoiler territory on both of these movies, so watch out for that as I get into why White House Down had a far more believable takeover than Olympus Has Fallen.

So both movies deal with the premise of the White House being overtaken, right? However, the way in which those takeovers go down is pretty different in both movies. Olympus Has Fallen has an international takeover, while White House Down is an inside job. Also, another big difference is that, unlike the local terrorists in White House Down, Olympus Has Fallen's international terrorists' poorly planned attack relied heavily on characters doing very specific things that they wouldn't normally do. Meanwhile, the guys on the inside in White House Down required no such thing, meaning that if they failed, it was ultimately on them.

The main bad guy's plot to take over the White House in Olympus Has Fallen relies pretty much entirely on the President going against protocol in order to allow his international guests to stay locked up in his bunker alongside him. And not only that, but it also relied on the President's Secret Service actually allowing for such a break in protocol to take place under these particular circumstances. Now, I don't know whether or not this is actual protocol, but the film establishes these rules to us, and then also establishes that the President and his staff have absolutely no regard for these protocols whatsoever. And if these two completely unplannable and convenient lapses in judgement never took place, then the entire hostage aspect of the terrorists' plan is instantly nullified. So, literally, the only reason their big plans even began to get underway was because the President and his staff proved themselves to be entirely incompetent at their jobs. I must say, that is some brilliant planning, guys.

And the word incompetent doesn't even begin to truly describe how pathetic his Secret Service was when it took to dealing with the battle on the White House lawn. They literally ran into bullets. No attempt was ever made by these highly trained professionals to take cover, they just kept piling on out right into open fire. Um, yeah, these guys shoulda been fired a long time ago. It's like they were going out of their way trying their damnedest to die.

And then there's the John McClane of the bunch, played by Gerard Butler, the sole survivor who makes his way through the White House and single-handedly takes out the terrorist threat. Except, he's formerly Secret Service, and hasn't been involved in about a year or so. And yet, despite his being relieved of his duties so long ago, he still just happens to know all the codes to get into every hidden vault in the building in order to acquire the tools that help him along the way. Now, I'm not saying that this is the case, but I would like to believe that such codes would get changed after such changes in staff, for obvious reasons, but hey, maybe I'm wrong there. And if I am, then by all means, ignore this point!

But amongst all of the idiocy, what I couldn't take the most was how the terrorists actually succeeded in fulfilling their endgame. The idea was that the President and two other high ranking officials have codes that are all needed in order to destroy all of America's nukes in their silos, thus leaving the country a wasteland. All three codes are needed to pull off the plan, and so the terrorists go to work, torturing each of them for the codes. At first, the two officials refuse profusely. However, our nation's leader orders both of them to give up their codes, adding that they needn't worry, because there's no way that they'll get his.

Cut to the end, where they not only succeed in getting the President's last code, but they somehow manage to do so without the President suffering so much as a scratch or a bruise. So there you have it, folks. The President may have saved his own ass, as well as those two government officials, but guess what? The whole country's about to be fucked anyways, so what the hell was the point? The portrayal of the President was that of a selfish, worthless, cowardly piece of trash, and yet the movie still tries to make him a likeable character who we should get behind anyways. Bullshit.

I've heard some people claim that the idea of the White House being taken over as portrayed in Olympus Has Fallen to be a scary thought. Yet, to me, the scariest aspects of the movie all came down not to the terrorists' actions, but rather, to the actions taken by the President in response. And after this mess, after literally condemning the country in which he has sworn to do anything within his power to protect, his ass deserves to rot in a fucking prison cell for the rest of his days. If this is the kind of President that Harvey Dent was gonna make, then it's just as well that his two-faced ass turned to villainy before he ever made it to office.

"You want those codes that determine the entire fate of the United States of America? Let's flip on it!"

Meanwhile, on the precise opposite end of the spectrum, when actually put to the test to negotiate with the terrorists over the life of a little girl in White House Down, that movie's President actually does his fucking job and calmly explains to the understanding girl that the needs of the country as a whole are at stake, and he can't initiate the strike that would leave the country in ruins just to save her life. And I was thrilled by this decision from the movie. In that one swift stroke, President Foxx proved himself a far more viable movie President than President Dent ever was.

And as for the takeover itself, by making it an inside job, White House Down also avoids needing to tackle any such convolutions or conveniences that may or may not come their way by having it run by people already completely in the know. And the Secret Service being taken out is also more believable as well due to the resulting confusion that this causes.

So yeah, while these aren't even the only comparable aspects that show White House Down to be the more believable movie of the two, they're the ones that stood out the most to me. In fact, that only aspect that Olympus Has Fallen has over White House Down is the fact that an international attack itself does seem like a more believable scenario, if not necessarily as portrayed in this movie at least. But needless to say, I'm a bit baffled by the reactions that Olympus Has Fallen is somehow better than White House Down, and wonder just how much people actually remember of that forgettable movie. White House Down is so much simpler, and makes so much more sense, all the while making our own guys look far less incompetent than they're portrayed to be in Olympus Has Fallen. Not to mention that it's a more fun and charming movie that's far more aware of its ridiculous concept, and with much more likeable characters that I could actually get behind, but hey, that's just how I see it!

And yes, it may seem like I'm putting way too much thought into these two movies that mostly ask of us not to think about them too much. But where as I had no problem accepting the situations as they played out in White House Down, the huge, gaping flaws in Olympus Has Fallen were a constant nag that never escaped me throughout the duration of the movie, to the point where they really couldn't be ignored.