Sunday, June 5, 2011

Publix Subs

So I was at Publix the other day. Nothing out of the ordinary, I just picked up a few things, and then I was on my way. And that's when it hit me. And by it, I'm of course talking about a ninja.

Yes, a ninja. It came completely out of nowhere and punched me, right in the stomach. So I doubled over, and I dropped all of my newly purchased groceries. I didn't have any time to grieve over my loss, though, before the ninja kneed me in the face, knocking me out cold.

When I woke up several minutes later, I was tied up and blindfolded. I had no idea where I was or what had happened to me. But I could smell something. Something fresh, something fried. Whatever it was, it smelled delicious, and it made my mouth water. I just had to have whatever this was for myself, and so I started gnawing away at my ropes. I chewed and I chewed, until finally, I was free.

I pulled off my blindfold, then I stood up and looked around. This place looked oddly familiar. And then it hit me. No, not a literal hit this time, I mean I figured out where I was. I was in the storeroom of Publix. Why? I don't know, really, and I may never figure that one out. Because as I walked out of the storeroom and into the store, the ninja saw me, and he made his attack.

But this time I wasn't going to let him take me out. After all, I still had to get my hands on that delicious dish, and nothing was gonna stop me now. And so I took in another whiff, and I fought back. His martial arts were no match for my raging appetite. I uppercutted that ninja with my lethal fists of fury, and finished him off with an elbow drop off the top of the aisle.

At that point, I thought I was home free. But I was wrong. As I got up, I saw that the ninja wasn't alone. There was a whole slew of them, and they were ready for battle. Too bad for them, so was I. And so a battle royale ensued.

With every punch and every kick, my hunger grew. My hunger for that food, as well as my hunger for destruction. Lucky for me, I was on the pots and pans aisle, so as the battle raged on, I was able to arm myself and even the odds a little bit. Sure enough, it wasn't too long after that before I was able to work my way through the lot of 'em. Frying pans, who knew?

Finally, with no more ninjas standing in my way, I only had one more objective left to tackle. I followed my nose, and it lead me all the way to the back of the store, to the deli section, where I would find my prize.

It was a Publix chicken tender sub sandwich. It was made perfectly, handled with care by the young miss who put it together. The condiments were placed on the bread before the meat, ensuring that they wouldn't slide off whenever I took a bite. The chicken was diced up and packed on top, not too much so as to make a mess, but not too little so as to leave me unfulfilled. And with just a dash of salt and pepper sprinkled on top, this masterpiece was complete.

And it was good.

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