On all of my prior film projects to date, I've typically had a right hand man standing by my side, someone who I trusted to help me out and basically be my go-to to discuss project related things as we're going along, to give me a second opinion on matters I'm not 100% on and basically help me from getting derailed in any way. But as I've gone into this project, my biggest project to date, I've done so with a distinct lack of someone filling that particular role. Not to diminish the help that I have received from the number of people that I have so far, but I've definitely felt the lack of having that #1 person to really be my go-to for things, and for a while, it was pretty tough.
And as it regards my mental state, despite things going relatively smoothly more or less so far, I've also had times where I've completely stressed out and become overwhelmed by the sheer scope of the project I'm attempting to tackle, at just how much there is to keep in order and take into account, juggling so many people's schedules and talking to so many people that I've found myself at times forgetting whether or not I've had a particular discussion with someone yet, or if I'm just repeating myself. My mind's been kinda scrambled, and I've mostly been keeping that to myself, for fear of giving off the impression to my cast and crew that I'm not up to the task and having them possibly second guess the project. And not having that right hand man to go to, even if just to let off a little steam, has made this all the more hard.
However, recently, I've had a couple of meetings with a couple of particular individuals who really set my mind straight. These people spent our entire meetings pretty much talking down to me, speaking to me like I was an idiot, like I didn't know what I was doing, and they were essentially trying to tell me how I was supposed to do my job, no matter how much I tried to assure them that this wasn't my first rodeo. And then on top of all that, one of these individuals, upon hearing my plans for shooting the film in a timely manner, spent almost an hour trying to convince me that it wasn't possible, not on my budget at least, telling me that he was "just being real" with me, that filming was going to take upwards of a year or more. But try as he might, I remained unwavered.
Yes, the road ahead is going to be hard, and it's probably going to be complicated at times. But is it impossible? Not in the least, and that much I am absolutely certain of. Sure, this project may be much bigger than anything else I've ever taken on, but I've put in the time planning it out in a believable and doable manner, and bring with me everything I've learned on all my previous projects so far, as well as a solid team to pull it all off. And sure, there may be some hiccups along the way here or there that we'll have to accommodate for, but I wholly believe that we can most certainly finish this thing according to plan and keep on a timely schedule.
So that's what it's pretty much come to as it regards my mental state. I may be stressed, and at times that stress may get to me, but even so, I remain confident and steadfast in my conviction moving forward. Am I in over my head? I dunno, maybe not so much in over my head, but perhaps maybe just a little nuts for even tackling something this big? And is it going to be hard? Absolutely, and I'm very likely going to remain a big ball of stress the entire way through, even if only in private. But is it impossible to do, in the time I want to do it in? Hell no it's not, and to hell with anyone who would dare try to convince me otherwise.
My meeting with that particular individual lasted a little longer than an hour, but really, he could've spent the whole entire night, hell, the whole entire week trying to convince me, and I would still remain absolutely unwavered and determined in my stance. And that's where my mind is right now, as we're set to officially begin filming about a week from now. So I suppose I'm like Roman Reigns in that regard: I can, and I will. Except, unlike Roman Reigns, I actually will. And also unlike Roman Reigns, I'm not going to have anything handed to me on a silver platter without having to put in any actual work or effort. So really, that was just a terrible comparison altogether!
But yeah, we're ready to tackle this thing, and though I might not necessarily have that one right man hand in particular at the time of this writing standing by my side, I've received an absolutely invaluable amount of help and support from so many people so far, which really can't be understated at all, and I can only hope to be able to repay in full when all is said and done. And even to the assholes who wanted to talk down to me in such a disrespectful manner, even those interactions I find myself thankful for, for ultimately giving me the reassurance in myself and my abilities to pull this whole thing off, even if unintentionally so.
So yeah, I'm no longer ashamed of my mental state, because no matter how much this project may weigh down on me, at least now I know that I won't crack under the pressure, and I will find a way and remain tenacious moving forward. I'm ready... no, we're ready, and I can't wait to have a finished product to show everyone. And the fact that it is going to be such a challenge will make it all the more worth it in the end.