Spring Breakers

Spring Breakers is the new overly stylized flick from Harmony Korine about a group of girls who take a trip to Florida for spring break and find themselves getting mixed up in a whole lotta trouble. I wasn't too high on this film myself, though it's littered with flashes of brilliance throughout that force home just how good it could have been had this movie been able to bring itself to not get so obnoxious with the editing.

The plot is very basic. Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, and Rachel Korine want to get out of town for spring break, but they don't have enough money. So one little robbery later solves that problem, and it's off to Florida they go, only to find themselves getting into more trouble and later arrested, only for James Franco to bail 'em out and get them involved in even more trouble. There's really not much to it, and honestly, there's probably about 30 minutes worth of actual substance here. Hell, this review is probably longer than the actual script for this thing. This could have easily made for a very powerful short film, but instead, they decide to drag things out and forcefully stretch the movie to 90 minutes by essentially just showing us the same things over and over and over again.

The movie constantly repeats the same images we've already seen, and continuously repeats the same audio clips over these images. Seriously, it was almost like watching Terrence Malick's version of Girls Gone Wild. The movie just goes overboard with the stylization, and never knows when to say that enough is enough. I mean, this could have easily made for a very powerful short film, but instead, they decide to drag things out and forcefully stretch the movie to 90 minutes by essentially just showing us the same things over and over and over again.

After the girls make it to Florida, the remainder of the first half of the film is basically just various scenes of kids going crazy at spring break. Girls are running around topless left and right, and everyone is running rampant on drugs and booze. It's cool enough at first, I guess, but after a while it's like, okay, we get the point. This segment didn't need to last for half of the duration of this film, it could have easily been condensed into a brief five minute montage. I mean, it's cool enough at first, I guess, but after a while it's like, okay, we get the point.

I oftentimes found the film to be rather disturbing, too. The movie encourages us to try and think of life like a video game and not worry about the consequences of our actions. Just do whatever you need to, even at the expense of others, just so long as you get what you want in the end. And these girls do exactly that, and in the end, sure enough, they really don't suffer any actual consequences for their actions. I just found this rather off-putting throughout the movie, and I'm really not sure what precisely we're supposed to take away from all of it.

But when the movie first really begins to come to life is after the girls get bailed out of jail by James Franco's character, Alien. This guy is just ridiculous, and Franco totally kills it in this role. Alien is a drug pushing rapper who's engaged in turf warfare with rival drug dealer, Gucci Mane. And Franco totally kills it in this role. He essentially plays an over-the-top white thug who's rollin' in riches and loves to let you know it, and lives the violent thug life with pride. You can seriously barely even recognize Franco here, he gets so into it. Franco totally kills it in this role.

I mentioned before how this movie has flashes of brilliance, and Franco is definitely one of those flashes. The others come in the form of a handful of scenes here and there where I actually found the filmmaking to be genuinely inspired, as opposed to being all artsy-fartsy and full of itself, like it is throughout the remainder of the movie. The initial scene where we see the girls robbing the restaurant was extremely well done, as we join their driver in the passenger seat and witness the robbery through the windows from the outside. And later on, after the girls gear up and get ready to join Alien in some pointlessly violent crimes throughout town, we see a montage of these crimes that's beautifully accompanied by Britney Spears' "Everytime". Seriously, this scene is just masterfully crafted, and so much more stunning than it has any right to be based on that description. If only the rest of the movie could have captured the same magic as those moments produced, then maybe this really would be the "masterpiece" that many are hailing this as.

I wasn't too high on this film myself, though it's littered with flashes of brilliance throughout that force home just how good it could have been had this movie been able to bring itself to not get so obnoxious with the editing. It's a really frustrating watch in this regard. But as good as some of these moments are, it's still not strong enough to make up for the rest of the crap on display here. As is, this movie is low on substance, but desperately attempts to make up with it with a whole lotta flash. I mean, this could have easily made for a very powerful short film, but instead, they decide to drag things out and forcefully stretch the movie to 90 minutes by essentially just showing us the same things over and over and over again.

St. Augustine Pirates

About a week or so ago, I overheard a conversation between my friends Rachel and Sharon. They were planning to set sail for St. Augustine, where they intended to become true pirates. Well, little did they know that at that moment, I had made plans of my own. And so, just as they set off, I stowed away aboard their ship, intendin' to go along for the ride in my own quest to become a true pirate as well.

It wasn't long before they discovered me, however, and they promptly threw me overboard to swim with the fishes in the freezing cold water. But when I made it back to land with this mighty fish in tow, the two had seen my worth and allowed me to join them in their quest.

Actually, I lied. You see, we pirates tend to do that. But they never did actually toss me overboard. No, what really happened was that I dove in willingly, swimming through the cold ocean purely for jollies. And while I was there, I decided that I may as well retrieve the biggest fish that I could find, and so I did just that and climbed back aboard, laughing a hearty laugh as they shivered in fear at my madness. No, they weren't to be rid of me, I assure you that, and they had no say in the matter, I can assure you of that as well!

So after they finally accepted me for one of their own, we continued forward towards our destination. And upon reaching land, we came across a street-

- that would lead us to that destination, that being The Pirate Haus Inn. The first thing we noticed upon entry of the Pirate Haus were the stairs, which were riddled with the lines of pirate songs.

And as we climbed up each step, we knew that we had arrived at the right place. We met with the Captain and told him of our intentions. He was uncertain of us at first, until I presented him with my fresh catch. He saw our potential then, and set us out on a mission to prove our worth, were we to be accepted as true pirates. And so, our first order of business was to drink to our new arrangement.

Now, I'm not entirely sure how we had managed to arrive at our tavern of choice, nor could I remember its name for the life o' me. But we had done such a good job of our first order that the remaining orders would have to wait for the morning. So on the next day, we were to arrive at the St. Augustine Pirate & Treasure Museum, where we were to find 12 hidden treasures within.

Well, we made easy enough work of that, and fired off a few canons to signal our success, and then a few more, just for good measure! After proving our worth, we were branded with the mark of the pirate and sent off across the way to ransack the Castillo de San Marcos in the name of the Pirate Haus. The soldiers there put up little fight, recognizing us for true pirates and wisely stepping out of our way. They knew better than to tangle with our crew. So we pillaged and plundered the fort, and immediately made way to the San Sebastian Winery to celebrate. They, too, put up little fight, as we managed to drink the place dry without so much as a penny leaving our britches!

It was around this point where I must have gotten a bit tipsy, because, as we stumbled around through the streets after our celebrations, we happened upon this place waving their flag:

I could barely believe me eyes, but it was really there, like a treasure just waiting to be found by yours truly. And weren't it for my fellow crew to drag me out, it's like that I were never to leave that wonderful paradise.

So after a successful mission and even more successful celebrations, we had decided that our time here had expired. So, now true pirates, we three bade farewell to the city of St. Augustine and swiftly departed to new Horizons and new adventures, our black flag waving in the harsh winds of the cold sea...

Oz the Not So Great and Powerful

As it would turn out, Oz the Great and Powerful actually isn't all that great or powerful after all. It took me a while to come to this conclusion, but there comes a point when you realize that this movie really just doesn't work. And for me, that point is right around the time the Wicked Witch makes her first appearance.

(Spoilers ahead.)

Mila Kunis is decent enough as Theodora, and even though certain aspects concerning her character's romance with James Franco are forced, it honestly didn't bother me all too much. But once she makes the transformation into the classic green Wicked Witch of the West, she's honestly hard to watch. She's awkward and cringe inducing, and for all of the wrong reasons. She's trying to recapture Margaret Hamilton's performance from the original movie, but she just can't pull it off at all. And what makes matters worse is that the special effects when she's zipping around just look silly here. Seriously, they look even sillier than they did in the new Hansel and Gretel movie.

In fact, a lot of the effects in this movie are laughably bad, and the overall style the movie goes for just doesn't quite look right. The movie has a very artificial look to it, and scenes that are supposed to be mesmerizing and immersive just come off as forced as a result. The movie is just very ingenuine all throughout, and I think it just took me until the Wicked Witch herself showed up to see just how ingenuine this whole movie actually was.

Further forcing home this ingenuine feeling comes near the end when Oz fakes his death during the last stand against the Wicked Witches. His monkey pal suddenly starts crying for him, and I just couldn't understand why. Up until this point, Oz has proven himself to be a pretty terrible person. He's selfish and egotistical, and hasn't acted friendly towards the monkey at all. Basically, he's a dick, and everyone knows it, and the movie makes sure that we all know it. And in his last act before faking his death, he's lead everyone to believe that he's also a coward who's taken off to let them all fend for themselves. So then, knowing all this, why was the monkey crying over his death? I sure as hell don't know, but it was yet another obnoxiously forced and artificial moment in a movie filled with them.

So the effects are pretty bad, and the acting is pretty bad (seriously, James Franco should start seeking out more roles that require less screaming from him), and not only that, but the pacing is all out of whack as well. The movie is a little over two hours, yet it feels closer to two and a half or three. The movie could have easily been cut down to about 90 minutes, and perhaps making our visit in Oz a bit more brief would have worked to this film's benefit, rather than lingering on like it does and giving all of the crap plenty of time to settle in.

But even though I'm sorta tearing right into this movie, it wasn't entirely bad. There were certain aspects to the story that I felt were actually implemented pretty well. Like the original Wizard of Oz, once the magician Oz lands in Oz, he meets several characters who represent some of the people he had met in the real world, which I thought was a nice touch. I also thought it was pretty clever how the movie went about incorporating Oz's magical illusions as a means to battle the Wicked Witches' army. And I actually liked the little China doll girl quite a bit. She's easily the best thing about this movie, and the scene where Oz meets her and fixes her leg is probably the most powerful of the whole movie.

So I wouldn't say the movie was terrible, but it was pretty bad. It's an ingenuine experience with an artificial heart, and it lacks the genuine charm and whimsy that it's so desperately after. And coming out only a week after a much better family friendly fantasy in the form of Jack the Giant Slayer, I really can't recommend going out of your way to see this one at all.

Jack the Giant Slayer

Oh who are you trying to fool, Ewan McGregor? Your hair is totally the hero of this story!

So I went into this movie just looking for some nice dumb fun, and it certainly delivers on that. I honestly didn't expect much, but the movie is actually quite good, despite a few questionable decisions made here and there. Yeah, it's one of those where you probably don't want to think too much about it, but it's also easy enough to ignore its missteps and just enjoy the ride while it lasts.

The story sees a farm boy named Jack, played by Nicholas Hoult, as he accompanies the king's men in their quest to rescue the adventuring princess after she's propelled up a massive beanstalk and taken captive in the mythical floating island of giants. And once they get there, the princess' betrothed begins his plot to use the giants to reignite an old war against the human race. Yeah, the movie is filled with cliches, and yet, all along the way, there's a whole lot of fun to be had here anyways, and the movie grows increasingly exciting as the stakes continue to rise.

But despite those continually rising stakes, the movie does a good job of maintaining a light-hearted mood throughout. The movie never seeks to be this grand, super serious epic, which it very easily could have become. There's a lot of genuine laughs to be had, even in the heat of action. And the actors all seemed to just be having a lot of fun with their roles, especially Ewan McGregor, who just steals this whole movie, right alongside his fabulously ever-evolving hair.

Seriously, pretty much every new scene he shows up in, his hair has radically changed in a glorious new fashion. Now, I'd like to hope that these constant changes in style were intentional, though I honestly have my doubts about that. His hair just has a mind of its own, and they just rolled with it, I'm sure. And it was awesome.

The action scenes are really fun and engaging (though apparently not engaging enough for Jack, who oftentimes finds himself wandering around elsewhere whenever any of the big action is going down). Hell, there's essentially an actual tug-of-war between the humans and the giants near the end that lasts for well over ten or fifteen minutes, yet they manage to keep it from ever growing boring throughout. But there's also a few scenes that have me wondering how the movie got away with a PG-13 rating. Similar to the countless number of beheadings in The Hobbit, there are some brutal, yet casual death scenes in this movie. Giants will just be biting people's heads off like it was an everyday occurrence. Now, there's nothing really graphic about it here, though it is interesting how movies are getting away with this sort of violence without getting slapped with an R rating these days (though I'd honestly be really interested in seeing a legitimately R rated version of this movie!). I suppose that's just the way times have changed these days.

The CGI effects also look really good for the most part. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say that the giants look real, but the movie was consistent enough with its visuals that there was never any kind of distraction between what's real and what's not. There are some really gorgeous shots in this movie, though, especially as they're climbing the beanstalk, and once they're traversing through the floating island. Not to mention anytime that Ewan McGregor's hair is featured (we really can't discuss his hair enough). So for the most part, this is a really pretty movie.

As I mentioned earlier, the movie does make a few questionable choices, though. For instance, the style they decided to go for with the prologue was just very odd. It's literally like watching a cut-scene from an old Playstation One video game. In a lot of movies these days, they go for a more traditional drawn animation style to play out their prologues, but the decision to go with such obviously dated CGI for the prologue just felt like a very odd choice to make. And then the ending feels similarly misplaced, jumping ahead to modern times and randomly ending the movie on the image of the modern world. It just didn't feel like it fit at all (though it did leave me wondering if they happen to get wifi on that giant island in the sky).

The editing in the beginning of the movie is also very off-putting. Before Jack and the princess actually meet, we get to see how much their lives parallel one another. And to show this, the movie cuts back and forth between the two essentially finishing each others sentences in entirely different scenes. Jack's uncle might say something, but then elsewhere, the princess' father will respond to something that sort of fits, so we'll jump to that and continue their conversation. It was cute when they did this during the prologue, but then they just keep doing this for about the first half hour of the movie, which quickly grew tiring. So I was very happy when Jack and the princess finally met one another and this obnoxious editing could finally come to an end.

But like I said, it's one of those movies where you probably don't wanna put too much thought into it. And despite these flaws, I really enjoyed this movie, and I especially enjoyed snarking at it all throughout, pointing out how the king doesn't quite think things through all the way, or how the cat was the only one smart enough to just say, "Ha! Fuck that," and dip. So it's not a perfect movie by any means, and it's book-ended by some questionable scenes, but everything in-between was honestly a lot better than I was expecting. And the theater I saw it with seemed to really enjoy it as well. It's a really charming movie (what is it with Nicholas Hoult starring in such charming movies lately?), so I'd say it's worth checking out. And Ewan McGregor's hair, tho!

Desert Island Book

So this is a bit of a change of pace, but I was recently mulling over the old question of what one single book you would want to have with you if you were stranded on a desert island. I always loved my Poppie's answer to this question, as it defies what you'd typically hear from most people. Most people would likely say that they'd wanna have the Bible with them, and then after that you'd get people who would say their favorite novel that they could re-read over and over again. Then you'd get the smartasses who'd say that they'd take some sort of survival guidebook with them, but they're obviously missing the point of this little exercise. But as I said, Poppie didn't take the typical rout, and the book that he always said he'd take with him would be the dictionary.

See, my Poppie, Frank Trippett, was also a writer himself. And, being a writer, he was in love with words. He would just sit back in his big leather recliner and read the dictionary like you would a novel, starting on page one and absorbing all the knowledge of all these words into his psyche. The dictionary was more than just a resource for him, he genuinely took pleasure from just learning about and discovering new words. I thought his answer to the question was pretty fascinating. It's stuck with me ever since he first explained it to me way back when I was still a little kid, and it's inspired my own answer to that same question as well.

I'm really not a religious person, so out goes the Bible. And I never re-read books, ever, so even bothering to think of a novel to have with me and keep me company would be all but completely pointless. Now, I can be a bit of a smartass, but I'll hold off on the smartass response for the purposes of this post. No, if I were stranded on a desert island and I could have the choice of one book to have with me, that book would be the thesaurus.

Being a writer myself, I, too, have a thing for words. But the thing is, I also have issues with getting stuck on them, so I oftentimes find myself digging through a thesaurus to find what I was looking for. It's a problem I come across quite a bit, where I know the word I mean to use, but it just won't come to me at the time. And it especially sucks when it happens during conversation, or if I'm trying to explain something to someone (and it's even worse when it happens when I'm talking to myself! ... er, I mean, uh...). There's not much I can do about it during those awkward social situations, but at least when it comes time to sitting down and writing, whenever I get stuck like that, I can always just pull out the ol' thesaurus and get unstuck just as quick. And with such a tool at my side, if I were stranded on a desert island, I'd be able to sit around and write out my own books to occupy my time, so I wouldn't necessarily even need any others at that point anyways.

So yeah, the thesaurus would be my desert island book. And while mine is certainly more for resourceful reasons, I probably wouldn't have even considered it had it not been for my Poppie's own ingenious response. But I'd also love to hear your own responses, so please feel free to let me know what book you'd want to have with you if you were stranded on a desert island.

It was the perfect plan...

... but they didn't plan on Jude Law.

Side Effects is the latest (and possibly last) movie from director Steven Soderbergh. What starts out as a seemingly innocent enough medical drama, where The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo seeks help dealing with her depression, quickly turns into a thrilling mystery to uncover the truth behind the murder of Magic Mike, after the side effects of her latest prescription causes her to do things she's unaware of in her sleep. And meanwhile, Jude Law, being the psychiatrist who was working with The Girl, has to deal with the legal backlash for his medical treatment. But, nah-uh, he ain't just gonna go out like no bitch. You don't just mess up Jude Law's day like that and get away with it. Jude Law's gonna get to the bottom of this!

The direction is absolutely slick, and the transition into different genres as the movie moves along feels smooth and natural. There's seriously some nice twists that I truly didn't see coming. In fact, the only thing I didn't really like about the movie was a hand-holding flashback near the end that felt out of place, and really only existed to cater to anyone in the audience who were either too dumb to follow along or just weren't paying any attention at all.

But that little tidbit aside, I really enjoyed this movie quite a bit. Save for Catherine Zeta-Jones, who turns in yet another obnoxiously over-acted performance to add to her ever growing resume of obnoxiously over-acted performances, the acting here was exceptional all around. The writing is smart, and the film is super engaging from start to finish, and will be sure to surprise you in more ways than one. Everything just clicks into place so nicely. So if this is Soderbergh's last movie, then at least he went out on a fairly high note, and he left us all with one last, very important message to keep in mind: Do not fuck with Jude Law.

Warm Bodies

This movie caught my attention solely because it looked like it was actually trying to do something a little different for a change. So I was interested enough to see it, and while the movie itself may not have actually turned out to be the most original thing around, it was definitely worth checking out nonetheless. It's overall just a really nice, clever little movie that'll leave you feeling warm inside.

The premise is that the zombie apocalypse has happened, but after a beautiful human girl named Julie catches the eye of one zombie named... well, he can't actually remember his name, but he knows it begins with an R (maybe it stands for Romeo, perhaps? Oh don't worry, their names aren't even the least subtle Romeo and Juliet reference this movie makes), it's love at first sight. And the more human contact R experiences, the more he begins to regain his lost humanity.

It's not the first movie to tackle such a subject (Wall-E instantly comes to mind), but I liked the approach here. Earlier on, as we're walked through the average day in the life of a zombie, our narrator, R, begins to question what life must have been like before the apocalypse. And what we see is a bunch of people wandering around with their eyes glued to their cell phones and other gadgets, completely ignoring everyone else around them, which I really got a good kick out of. So you see, we've been zombies well before the zombie outbreak even happened!

I really enjoyed seeing life through the eyes of a zombie, and the movie was very humorous and clever with its approach, essentially treating zombies as an extreme equivalent of social awkwardness. And the zombies' progression towards regaining their humanity played out very naturally I felt. For instance, as the love story progresses between R and Julie, R starts to feel real human emotions again. And once things start to turn a bit sour between them, he also feels the accompanying painful emotions, which makes him want to just go back to being a dead, emotionless zombie again, something I found to be totally relatable and, dare I say, human.

There were a few times where something about the plot would bother me, such as how Julie just happened to get over her boyfriend's death rather easily. Though pretty much every time something like this came to mind, the movie eventually got around to addressing these issues, and lo and behold, I no longer took issue with them. Like, later on, when the zombies and humans are all teaming up against the "bonies" (which are essentially zombies stripped down to their skeletal state, completely devoid of any remaining remorse or humanity), I thought that it was kinda messed up, all things considered. And then, sure enough, the movie ends up agreeing with me. It was, in fact, a pretty messed up resolution, but, eh? So yeah, I liked that the movie was constantly aware of itself in this regard.

The acting was also pretty decent for the most part. Nicholas Hoult really brought R to life (ha!), both in his zombie state as well as his more human narration, though some of the other zombies, such as Rob Corddry, had a harder time finding a good balance. But I also enjoyed the rest of the cast for the most part as well, even if there wasn't necessarily any real standouts here.

I just really liked this movie quite a bit. It's just such a charming, heart warming take on the zombie genre. It's cleverly written, with a good sense of humor about itself, and a nice social commentary on today's technologically obsessed society and our decreasing human interactions. And that being said, I hope you enjoyed this latest blog of mine, and I hope you'll stay glued to your computers for the next one to come, too!